A few day ago, Bailey and I where at the store. Seeing her reflection in the window, she commented, "I am so fat". I was totally stunned. She is all of 35 pounds, and she is FOUR! She has been in a "public" daycare for all of 2 weeks, and she is already concerned about how she looks. Don't misunderstand, I am not blaming daycare, just pointing out that her exposure to the other little girls and boys had been very limited up to this time. And although I don't believe they actually comprehend what they are talking about, it disturbs me none the less. Which of course brings me to my guilt (which I have found is the mainstay emotion for moms).
What have I been teaching her. I have always told her very positive things about herself. So why the guilt? Well, we all know children learn from what they see and hear, not what you tell them. So what has she seen and heard...me. Me and my negative self talk about my own body. I am fat, I am flat chested, my pores are too big, my butt is to big, my toes are ugly. Me trying every fad diet that makes it's way into a magazine or news show. Me always on the search for the latest in wrinkle reduction creams. She has never seen or heard me be happy and satisfied with my outward appearance.
If I, the same sex parent, am modeling damaging body image behaviors, then I should expect no less from my child. I want her to be healthy and active. I want her to be more concerned with who she is and what she contributes to the world than how she looks; and actually, I would like the same for myself.
Say a prayer for me, I have a lot to unlearn before I can properly teach.
4 comments:
You know, the biggest hurdle there is actually recognizing your own contribution. This is making me think about forming a support group for moms/adult women with body image issues. Let's let this bake for a while.
I am right there with you. I've been thinking about the "teaching by example" thing a lot lately. Not only where it concerns weight (but that's a biggie), but also regarding materialism, stewardship, and even faith.
You're right-- the first step is making the realization and that's a huge accomplishment.
Lisa you have alot to teach and my prayer for you is one of thanks and gratitude to Heavenly Father for the gift of you in my life. Bailey has a beautiful mother who will teach her how to be a strong, confident, outspoken woman with Christian convictions. The body image thing...all women have it but not all women have a mom who will help them overcome and understand it the way Bailey does. You're the best, Lisa. I love you cuz...Shea
You are an amazing woman with a wonderful wit. Baily will be just fine. I don't know anyone that is more down to earth and equipped to raise a happy & healthy young lady. I understand how we can all get down on ourselved from time to time, but just think...no stretch marks in heaven! Hooray God!
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